Up Your Teddy Bear (A.K.A. Seduction of a Nerd) (1970)
Written and directed by Don Joslyn
Produced by Don Joslyn, Andrew Herbert
Starring Victor Buono, Wally Cox, Julie Newmar, Claire Kelly, Angelique Pettyjohn, Thordis Brandt
To boost sales, the sultry, sordid, splenetic chief executive (Newmar) of a corporate toy manufacturer schemes to exploit the talent of a slovenly little toymaker and stalking girlwatcher (Cox) whose puppets pique childrens’ imaginations. Her likeness to his censorious mother precludes her potential to seduce the diminutive craftsman, so the fetching miser tasks her obese subaltern (Buono) to procure any of several prostitutes (Kelly, Pettyjohn, Brandt) who might secure his contractual signature. Its stars were prominent in high-grade camp during the ’60s, so to see them slumming in Joslyn’s crudely conceived, scripted, shot, and cut trough of the phenomenon was probably disheartening for those few of their fans who deigned to watch it. A few funny tics and gags (as when rotund Buono struggles to squeeze himself into a minicompact convertible coupe) can’t compensate for the tedium of so many that flop in an idiom that was already as outdated as Quincy Jones’s score by ’70. From such a farce, one can learn what he might from no few Italian sex comedies: salacity and juvenile comedy are an unseemly mix.
Instead, watch Batman: The Movie.